Escape From Tomorrow (2013)

Director: Randy Moore

Stars: Roy Abramsohn, Elena Schuber, Katelynn Rodriguez

Disney on Prozac

Disney World really is one of the best places on the planet. I spent the happiest days of my life there as a kiddy, at the tender age of ten and I’m desperate to get back there. Randy Moore’s disturbing vision is unlikely to convince Disney World virgins to go though! In this film, Disney World is more reminiscent of Banksy’s Dismaland. Whenever you read a review of Escape From Tomorrow you always get an essay on how the film was made rather than the film itself. The extreme guerrilla tactics are important to the raw and intimate atmosphere of the film (and are extremely impressive) but there’s much more to Escape From Tomorrow than ‘that film that was shot illegally in Disneyland.’

It’s the American Beauty-esque tale of a man going through a midlife crisis, except it also sparks a total mental breakdown and it happens in the middle of Disney World. It begins with a ride on the Rocky Mountain rollercoaster which is sledgehammer foreshadowing of the rollercoaster ride we’re about to go on in our hero’s haunted head. What struck me was how funny most of the film was. The trailer would lead you to believe that it’s a full-on Lynchian horror nightmare, but in truth the majority of it is pretty hilarious.

That isn’t to criticise it because the humour worked very well. Roy Abramsohn is so amusing as Jim, the typical twat Dad. His acting is a little questionable but it did add to the humour of the whole film. The first hour is basically like watching a family’s home video of a trip to Disney with splashes of sinister surrealism (get a load of that sibilance!) but I mean that in the best possible way. It isn’t boring because there’s a strong dark humour layered throughout. It also feels extremely intimate and involving with a strong focus on characters to keep you interested.

The film hits its stride once the gang enter Epcot and Jim starts to drink lots and lots. This triggers his descent into complete surrealism and the film abandons linear narrative. It’s loud, chaotic and absorbing but I was hoping for a little more Inland Empire styled directing, but perhaps I was hoping for too much. It could’ve been more surreal and dreamlike, but it was still suitably disorientating and inventive. There’s also very intelligent themes and symbolism buried underneath if you’re willing to dig hard enough. I like how a lot of it is open to interpretation.

Escape From Tomorrow might look a bit shoddy with its rough camerawork and dodgy acting, but that’s also part of its charm. I did find the black and white photography quite stylish and the searing Disney golden-era score is pretty brilliant. The low rating on Netflix and IMDb might suggest that I’m in the minority when I say that I enjoyed it, but I am definitely biased when it comes to these weird kind of films. Normal cinemagoers will see it as a curiosity piece, but us weirdos will be dazzled by the surrealist imagery, comedy and overall strangeness. It’s not as good as it could’ve been, but I still found a lot to like.

The Loved Ones (2009)

Director: Sean Byrne

Stars: Xavier Samuel, Robin McLeavy, Victoria Thaine

And you thought your prom night was bad

Australia certainly seems a scary place. Wolf Creek and Snowtown show that it’s a place teeming with murderous male psychopaths and now The Loved Ones has reared its pretty little head, giving birth to the most terrifying Sheila ever put on film. Who on Earth would want to do a gap year over there? In all fairness though, the Aussie’s really do knock it out of the park when it comes to horror films and The Loved Ones is no exception. Think Carrie meets Misery with a bit of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre thrown in and you have The Loved Ones.

It’s a beautifully made film with its loud, throbbing soundtrack and solid direction. It opens in a similar way to another superior Aussie horror, The Babadook with a horrific car crash resulting in the death of a father. The film takes a suitably melancholic mood with our hero Brent being understandably depressed by his father’s passing. In a fleeting moment he makes the worst decision of his life by politely declining mousy Lola’s offer of going to the prom with her. When I was at school, the prom was called an Immac because it was a silly Catholic school who liked to name everything after religious events. I’m sure there were some immaculate conceptions on those days though!

If you’re one of these types who get bored easily by long build-ups (think Wolf Creek) the you’ll love The Loved Ones. It runs at an economical 80 minutes and doesn’t waste much time delving into the action. Within 15 minutes, Brent is kidnapped and tied to a chair with an eerie disco ball floating above. This is when the horror really gets going.

A lot of the film relies on the sensation performance by Robin McLeavy as Lola. The film is basically a one woman show and rests on her shoulders. Unfortunately for Twilight fans, Xavier isn’t given a lot to do apart from scream, but I can’t imagine Twilight fans liking this one very much. The only time you get to see Xavier with his boobs out is when Lola’s carving her initials into it with a knife. Sorry girls, but there really isn’t a lot to titillate you here, unless you’re into that sort of thing… In which case, get help.

The Loved Ones isn’t one of those pansy horror films which shy away from violence and taboos. In fact the film goes down some terribly dark avenues involving incest and cannibalism, but it’s not done in a cheap or exploitative way. All of the shocking stuff is done to help the story along or add character development rather than just turn the audience’s stomach. There’s a particularly nasty scene involving a drill which will stay with you!

Alongside Brent’s torture we get the Misery-esque policeman on the hunt for the missing Brent and an odd subplot which involves Brent’s friend going to the dance with an awkward goth girl. Whilst it’s a humorous little side story, it does little to serve the main plot. Perhaps the filmmakers wanted to add a little light to the film, but the sublimely disturbed character of Lola is darkly comic enough to stop the film from getting too heavy.

Whilst it’s definitely a solid little horror film, I can’t help but feel like it doesn’t quite reach its full potential. I think the finale feels a little rushed and could’ve easily been extended to be more thrilling like something from Frontiers. It also didn’t feel tragic enough. I would’ve liked to have had a final punch to the gut, but instead it ends rather prematurely and a little too neatly for me. However, wishing a film was longer is never a bad thing. If you’re into your gory psycho horror with added female bite then you can’t go wrong with The Loved Ones. Just remember that if a loopy Aussie lass asks you to the prom, go with her. Not that I’d turn anyone with a pulse down.

Inside Out (2015)

Director: Pete Docter, Ronaldo Del Carmen

Stars: Amy Poehler, Bill Hader, Lewis Black, Kyle MacLachlan

Thoughtful animated classic

Pixar might’ve gone through a rare dip in quality when they went onto making stuff that was aimed specifically at children like Cars 2 and Brave. They started clawing their way back up to greatness when Monsters University launched last year, a film which I still think is somewhat underrated with its gorgeous creative visuals and fantastic characters. Inside Out sees Pixar pick up their crown again and reign supreme as the queen of animated films.

It’s an instant classic which ranks up the very best Pixar has to offer. I’d argue that it’s the best film they’ve done since Toy Story 3 and the best of the year so far, outdoing the likes of Mad Max 4 and Whiplash. But that’s no surprise considering that Pete Docter is behind the camera and paper again. It’s a complex and ingenious premise which personifies emotions we all carry in our heads. Each emotion in Riley’s head manages to be funny, likeable and relevant to the story. I particularly liked Sadness and Anger. I’m not quite sure what that says about me.

It’s Joy at the controls though and she’s one of those annoyingly positive people who manages to see the good in absolutely everything. If someone shot her in the head, she’d probably congratulate them on the excellent pot-shot. Entertainingly for us though, she goes off on an extreme character-building lesson which sees her lost in the abyss of Riley’s long-term memory along with her least favourite emotion, Sadness. Sadness is an adorable blue blob who is clumsy and well-meaning but permanently depressed. Whilst Joy and Sadness are away, leaving Anger, Disgust and Fear at the controls, eleven year-old Riley goes through a massive breakdown.

The film does a fantastic job of setting up a potentially confusing premise in a fun and simplistic way. The first act is basically all exposition which sets everything up and suitably engages the audience. It reminded me of the scene in Inception where Leo explains the dream world concept to Ellen Page. I know exposition can irritate a lot of people, but in high concept films like this I think it’s pretty essential, otherwise we’d be sat their open-mouthed and dead behind the eyes like watching Upstream Colour.

The editing is absolutely wonderful as it manages to balance three stories which are all connected to one another in a masterful way. The main story concerns Joy and Sadness on their exceptionally entertaining Finding Nemo-style adventures, the other two secondary stories (although still no less critical to the plot) involve the other emotions in the control tower and Riley suffering a mental breakdown out in the real world.

The entire film not only works as a fantastic story on its own, but also as an analogy for mental breakdowns in general. Now whenever I feel unhappy randomly I’ll know that it’s because Joy has left my control room, or that Sadness has accidently touched a memory. It’s also a brilliant way of letting kids know that it’s OK to be sad and it’s perfectly normal to feel angry. There are a whole load of deeper meanings and gags that are likely to go over the heads of children, but everyone else will be sure to appreciate them. Kids will definitely be able to appreciate the highly creative visuals and lovable characters.

All Pixar films are eye-popping, but Inside Out is particularly incredible. There’s no end of bright, creative and trippy visuals which very much reminded me of my favourite Pixar film, Up. It all has substance too though and is relevant to the plot. There’s a wonderful sequence where the characters enter Dream Productions and we see how our dreams are really made. Not only is it side-splittingly hilarious, it’s clever, high-concept and beautiful to look at.

There are also quite a few genuinely emotional moments. I’m not one to get teary in films, but there’s one scene involving a gorgeous character called Bing Bong which really made me well up. It isn’t your average light and fluffy, happy-clappy kiddy film. It goes to deeper and darker places and pulls at your heart strings. Watching a little girl go through a spat of depression is not cheery viewing! There is of course an inevitable happy ending and it’s all the more heart-warming because of the darker scenes that preceded it.

In short, Inside Out is an animated masterpiece. I cannot for the life of me think of any faults, apart from that it went by far too quickly. It has everything you need in a film. It’s funny, emotional, creative, original, intelligent, deep and thoughtful. It’s full of memorable and likable characters whom you’ll go away remembering. It’s a film for any age so if you’re one of these “Ooh animation’s for kids innit” type people I’d urge you to drop any plans you have for the weekend and go and see this with all your adult/teenage friends.

Pixar is incredibly popular and so you’ll be bound to find people on the internet bashing it like they do Christopher Nolan films and anything else that is popular so don’t listen to them. It’s a towering achievement and a return to form. It’s their first original non-sequel since Brave in 2012 and it’s well worth the wait. They’ve expressed disinterest in a sequel to Inside Out, but I’d love to see all these fantastic characters return.

The Yellow Kubrick Road

I’m currently going through a Stanley Kubrick phase so I thought I’d share my journey with you here on my very own little website! Of course I have seen and loved most of his classics (2001, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket & Eyes Wide Shut) however, I haven’t seen his earlier black & white works. I bought two boxsets last week, one including the Blu-ray versions of: Lolita, 2001, Barry Lyndon, A Clockwork Orange, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket and Eyes Wide Shut and another including: Killer’s Kiss, The Killing and Paths of Glory. Some of them do need a re-watch as I saw Full Metal Jacket a good three/four years ago now and I remember finding it tedious. I also saw Eyes Wide Shut a few years ago, however I remember really liking it despite its meandering pace.

So I invite you to join me on my journey as we discover and re-live Stanley Kubrick’s (mostly) wonderful works. Unfortunately, we won’t be starting with his feature length debut, Fear and Desire as it’s very difficult to get hold off and to be honest, I have very little desire (pun genuinely not intended) to see it due to its poor reviews. Stanley himself even called it amateurish and even likened it to a child’s painting on a fridge! I also won’t be including Spartacus because he disowned this film too.

Please see my complete (2001: A Space) odyssey below:

Killer’s Kiss

The Killing

Paths of Glory

Lolita

Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

2001: A Space Odyssey

A Clockwork Orange

Barry Lyndon

The Shining

Full Metal Jacket

Eyes Wide Shut

Ranking Stanley Kubrick’s Films

Ranking Stanley Kubrick’s Films [The Yellow Kubrick Road]

We’ve finally finished my Stanley Kubrick odyssey, or should we say that we’ve reached the end of the yellow (Ku)brick road and it has been a rather lovely journey. It’s easy to see why he’s lauded with the title of the greatest filmmaker. There has been no other film director with such an obsessive eye for detail and ambition. Particularly towards the end of his career, he always aimed to make the very best film. He always made the definitive genre film whether it be sci-fi, period, war, horror or soft porn! Below is my personal ranking so you’ll probably very much disagree but if you don’t like it do your own bloody list! I’ve also left out Fear and Desire and Spartacus as Stanley basically disowned both films and so I’ll honour his wishes.

11. Killers Kiss

This is the only Stanley film I disliked. It’s the last original film he came up with as the rest of his films are based on other source material. At only 60 minutes long it still manages to bore with its dull and conventional story. It is beautifully shot, especially considering the teeny budget, but the screenplay leaves a lot to be desired. Overall it’s very forgettable and definitely the black sheep of the Stanley filmography!

My rating: 4/10

10. Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Yes, yes, yes I know it’s iconic and a reflection of the times etc. but I just didn’t enjoy it as much as his other offerings. I’m not a fan of political comedies or politics in general and so I was actually expecting to dislike the film, but to my surprise I quite enjoyed it. A lot of it is funny and Peter Sellers is excellent at doing an Eddie Murphy and playing three different characters at once. Unfortunately though, due to the lack of locations and strong characters it does go through some slow and unengaging patches.

My rating: 6/10

9. The Killing

The Killing is like the ultimate heist film. It has had clear influences on the crime films of today with its tight and multi-angled plotting. Quentin Tarantino has confessed to the film influencing his output and it’s clear to see how. It’s a clever, entertaining film with a wonderfully ironic ending. Also, a big shout out to the hilarious acid-tongued mobster wife.

My rating: 7/10

8. Lolita

Most folk find this a weak entry into Stanley’s canon but I enjoyed it a lot. It’s beautifully made, controversial and thoroughly engaging. It’s also very funny, although I did find Peter Seller’s character a little grating. Sue Lyons is perfect as the flirty Lolly though.

My rating: 8/10

7. Full Metal Jacket

A film often described as one of two halves. The first training half is perhaps one of the greatest bits of film Stanley has ever done, which is why the second (longer) part suffers in comparison. You’ll go away remembering the dark destruction of Private Pyle and R Lee Ermey’s darkly comic performance rather than Private Jokers wandering around in Vietnam. The sniper finale is superb though.

My rating: 8/10

6. Paths of Glory

Stanley’s first war film is often described as the greatest ever. It’s a supremely powerful and moving anti-war film about three soldiers being unjustly executed for cowardice. The whole film will make your blood boil and destroy your faith in humanity. It’s beautifully made and extremely well written with a haunting final scene.

My rating: 8/10

5. Barry Lyndon

A three hour period drama starring Ryan O Neal? It doesn’t sound like anyone’s idea of a good night out (unless you’re in your fifties and slightly menopausal) but somehow it’s really enjoyable. It features the best cinematography you could possibly get on an impressive scale. The film moves fairly slowly but it doesn’t bore for a second. I particularly enjoyed the second half which follows Barry’s dysfunctional family living it up in all their riches.

My rating: 8/10

4. Eyes Wide Shut

A satisfying end to a glittering career. Stanley’s scary sex epic is possibly the most enigmatic and mysterious film he’s ever done. Is it trying to expose the illuminati? Or is it just trying to expose? Whatever he’s trying to say there’s no denying how well made Eyes Wide Shut is. The directing is phenomenal and the atmosphere is grippingly dark with the pivotal party scene being one of the highlights of Stanley’s directing career. It’s a dreamlike and hypnotic film with an unreal amount of attention to detail.

My rating: 9/10

3. A Clockwork Orange

Controversy smothered this film when it was released thanks to the explicit material, irredeemable main character and somewhat playful atmosphere. After forty years now the shock value has rubbed off so that we can see it as the masterpiece it really is. Malcolm Mcdowell is electrifying as the despicable Alex De Large who revels in power, rape and ultraviolence. It’s one of the best character arcs in the history of cinema and features and endless array of iconic moments. It’s a masterclass.

My rating: 10/10

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey

Don’t shoot me! I’ve been wrestling with putting this at the number one spot and I’m still not entirely sure if it should. I saw the film for the first time a few months ago and was suitably bowled over. Perhaps I will consider it the greatest Stanley film after a few more re-watches, but for now it’s my runner-up. It’s a spectacular cinematic experience full of sights and sounds which will pin you to your seat. The film is set at a glacial pace and has a very thin plot, yet something keeps you totally mesmerised. The final wordless half hour is truly magical.

My rating: 10/10

1.The Shining

It’s a film I’ve lost count in the number of times of seeing it so I may be biased. I’m also a self-confessed horror addict so I am definitely biased towards The Shining. Everything about it is perfection from Jack Nicholson’s intense performance to the cold isolated atmosphere. Whether you’re into horror or not, The Shining is a terrifying and deeply mysterious masterpiece. Who in the world has not heard of the phrase “Heeeeeere’s Johnny!” or recognised the image of the twins standing in the hallway? No one! I can’t sing its praises enough.

My rating: 10/10

There’s my list like it or not. Please tell me why you don’t in the comments below.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) [The Yellow Kubrick Road]

Director: Stanley Kubrick

Stars: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Sydney Pollack

Will leave your eyes firmly wide open!

Over ten years later Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut is released to the world. I was only four years old at the time, but I could imagine the hype. The final film of arguably the greatest film director to have ever lived. The final cut of Eyes Wide Shut was delivered to Warner Brothers four days prior to Stanley’s mysterious death. Stanley called the film his “greatest contribution to the art of cinema” but it was greeted with hostility and it’s easy to see why. Eyes Wide Shut is arguably his most impenetrable film. The average cinemagoer can appreciate the horror of The Shining and the comedy of Dr. Strangelove without digging deeper into them. However, Eyes Wide Shut is very difficult to enjoy without unlocking those hidden meanings and symbols.

It’s possibly his most enigmatic and mysterious film, arguably even more so than 2001: A Space Odyssey and The Shining. The eye-popping finale to 2001 has more or less been unlocked, but the secrets that lie within Eyes Wide Shut still remain closed and debated upon just like The Shining still is today. However, whilst The Shining is universally lauded as a masterpiece, Eyes Wide Shut is still yet to receive the recognition it deserves. I remember when I first saw the film one night, on my own and finding it incredibly slow but intriguing. I also remember finding a lot of it very frightening.

Last night I gave it a re-watch with my sister and mother by my side. My sister switched off about twenty minutes in and started playing on her phone, whilst my mother said once it finished “Well, I’m not surprised he died after making that shite!” which of course makes no sense, but you don’t know my Mum. I definitely found a new appreciation for it though. There’s so much going on in the film that it’s impossible to take it all in on your first viewing. You’ll probably end up disliking it, but give it a few days and you’ll find yourself pondering over it. You may even find yourself becoming haunted by it like Dr. Bill’s guilty conscience.

At its core, Eyes Wide Shut is a Lynchian mystery set in a dreamy New York City. Most know all the bizarre plot twists and turns now, but the less you know the better. Like most Stanley films, Eyes Wide Shut is more of an experience that can’t be put into words. It’s not the type of film you can dip in and out of, you have to watch it all the way through and give it your full attention. Watching Tom cruise walking down the street shouldn’t be interesting, but something about it keeps you inexplicably transfixed to the screen. Similarly, the seemingly never ending monologues carry a hypnotic grip on your senses, such as Nicole’s dreamy drug-fuelled confession which kick starts the entire story.

The film holds the record for the longest continual film shoot at four hundred days so the directing is of course beyond masterful. Every single shot is carefully considered and the trademark tracking shots are as dizzying as ever. The mise-en-scene in each scene is also extremely important to consider. There are so many things hidden in the background, such as the recurring multi-coloured Christmas trees which disappear once Tom Cruise enters the mysterious cult. Could this relate to the ‘end of the rainbow’ as stated earlier in the film? It’s little details like this which make Eyes Wide Shut endlessly fascinating to analyse. Only until you analyse the film can you appreciate the painstaking details and intelligent intricacies.

Stanley’s final film is often claimed to be a limp ending to a phenomenal filmography, however I’d strongly disagree. Any true Stanley lover will recognise the obscure genius of Eyes Wide Shut. Conspiracy theorists will thrive off the illuminati and Satanist symbolism, but I think there’s more to it than that. It’s a wonderfully mysterious film with a brooding dreamlike atmosphere. I also have to mention the brilliantly creepy (yet incredibly simple) piano score which has to be the scariest use of a few notes since the Jaws theme tune. Whilst the film isn’t quite up to the impossibly high standards of 2001, A Clockwork Orange and The Shining, it isn’t miles off. Maybe after some repeated views I might hold it in even higher regards.

Travel down the Kubrick road by clicking here

The Babadook (2014)

Director: Jennifer Kent

Stars: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall

If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look, if you’re after great horror, you’re in luck!

“The best horror movie in years” tends to be the key phrase to use when describing a genuinely good horror film. However, I think modern horror tends to get a bad reputation due to the amount rubbish produced. We’ve had endless Paranormal Activity films which seem to make big money and the appalling Human Centipede movies seem to make big noise, but these films aren’t especially ‘good’. Unfortunately though, they tend to overshadow the fantastic horror films we have been getting recently such as: You’re Next, The Sacrament and Cheap Thrills to name a few. The Babadook can now pop itself onto that list. In fact, I’d say that it’s easily the best and scariest supernatural horror film since the underrated Sinister.

 

The Babadook still seems to get quite a lot of criticism for some reason though. To be fair, the trailers do make it look like some sort of run-of-the-mill jumpy ghost story, so perhaps audiences were disappointed when they got a film full of rich characterisation, domestic drama and psychological depth. I wasn’t. The Babadook certainly isn’t your typical supernatural horror film though. We’re not even given a glimpse of the Babadook himself until about 50 minutes into the film, but this doesn’t matter because the central themes and characters are so strong.

There seems to be some debate as to whether this is a supernatural or psychological horror film. Some think that it leaves it up for the viewer to decide, but I thought that director Jennifer Kent was making it quite obvious that this was a film about a woman going mad. It’s very much in the same vein of The Shining and Repulsion as our hero slowly descends into a total schizophrenic onslaught of terror. As a result, we’re given a much deeper and character-driven film about grief, motherhood and madness.

The heart of the film is the relationship between a mother and son. Both actors are pretty extraordinary, especially the mother played by Elsie Davis who gives an incredibly strong and shattering performance. Many have described the boy as the most annoying child to ever appear in a film, which is a pretty bold statement and one which I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with! The decision to make the boy as painfully annoying as chewing a wasp is an extremely conscious one though as we’re put directly into the shoes of the mother. Amelia finds her son extremely hard to love as she subconsciously blames him for the death of her husband. By the end of the film we end up feeling as crazy as Amelia!

The first hour is actually a very sad one as we see Amelia become slowly isolated from people as her life becomes increasingly more hectic. No one seems to understand her grief and no one wants to know her because of Samuel (the impossibly annoying son). Therefore her descent into madness is a wonderfully realistic one. It’s also quite frightening. I’m not one to get scared in horror films, I can watch The Exorcist on my own and feel no fright what so ever, however there were some scenes in The Babadook which made my hair stand on end. The last half hour basically just tries its best to scare the trouser off you and it succeeds! Jennifer Kent is extremely masterful in creating tension and scares. I can’t think of one jump scare in the entire film which is so unusual and commendable. Instead, we’re left terrified from nightmarish imagery and sounds. I dare anyone note to get chilled to the core when the Babadook is hovering over the bed chanting ‘baba-dook-dook-DOOOK!’

The Babadook is so much more than just a ‘scary’ film though. It carries so much depth if you’re willing to read into it more. It has a genuinely interesting and engaging character at the centre of it and is willing to throw the audience right into the middle of her mental breakdown. It’s also really well-made, especially considering the teeny weeny budget. The production design is pretty outstanding and the infamous Mister Babadook book itself is beautifully made. This is a film which horror fans should welcome to their bosom. It’s genuinely scary, masterfully directed and has a super screenplay to match. What more could you want? It’s also a great advert for contraception if your partner is starting to get broody.

10 Greatest Movie Endings

This was a ruddy difficult list to come up with! One of the things I love most about films is their endings. The way a film ends is so important because it’s the last thing you’re thinking off when you step out of the cinema or humble living room at home. Many mediocre films are made good by their ending and some even rely on the way they end. Sleepaway Camp, for example is a film completely transformed by the final ten seconds. I won’t spoil it for those who are yet to see it, but the whole film is basically a hilariously cheesy teen slasher until the final ten seconds which are the most terrifying ten seconds I have ever experienced.

So, trying to come up with a top ten was difficult for me. It’s a list of personal favourites, so you won’t find The Third Man or Casablanca on here I’m afraid. The trouble is that I love so many film endings and trying to whittle it down to a top ten is a difficult task. But any who, after much thought and deliberation I have come up with ten movie endings I love. Please don’t hurt me. Spoilers will obviously ensue so if you haven’t seen one of them, quickly scroll down to the next!

10) The Dark Knight

My love for Christopher Nolan is no secret. Many consider The Dark Knight his crowning achievement and it isn’t difficult to see why. The film is packed full of memorable scenes and its powerful ending is amongst one of them. The stunning shot of Batman riding away into a tunnel of light has since become iconic. With Gary Oldman’s incredible monologue playing over a montage of images alongside Hans Zimmer’s gorgeous score, it’s impossible not to get the chills once “the dark knight” is said and then cuts to black. A perfect end to a perfect film.

9) Irreversible

I’ll never forget the mixture of excitement and concern when I finally sat down to watch the notorious Irreversible. It’s often lauded as being one of the most disturbing films of all time with people often coming out of it in a state of trauma! That’s if they haven’t switched it off already after the dizzying camerawork and extreme bludgeon to the face in the first ten minutes. Irreversible is a total assault on the senses. For those who don’t know, it’s the tale of Vincent Cassel getting revenge on a man who raped his girlfriend. However, it’s told backward in a Memento style so perhaps this ending I speak of is technically the beginning? Oh well, it’s brilliant anyway and marvellously depressing. We see the couple loved up and totally unaware of the tragedy that’s about to face them. Monica lies on the grass with Beethoven’s symphony playing over. The camera spins in the most dizzying way until we’re hit by strobe lighting with the words “time destroys everything”. What a happy line to end on.

8) The Piano Teacher

Michael Haneke has done a few masterpieces, but The Piano Teacher could very well be my favourite. It’s kind of like a good version of Fifty Shade of Grey. Isabelle Huppert (on electrifying form) eats up the scenery as an oppressed woman longing for an abusive relationship. She thinks she might’ve found one in one of her sexpot pupil’s, Walter Klemmer and cringe-inducing awkwardness ensues. The film ends in a shocking and powerful way. After being humiliated and raped by Walter, Erica goes to a concert hall where Walter is playing and sees him chatting up some girls. In a moment of total madness she pulls out a kitchen knife and stabs herself before walking calmly out of the doors. It’s such a haunting ending and most of it is down to Isabelle’s spellbinding wordless portrayal.

7) Requiem for a Dream

I’m not sure what all these downbeat endings say about me, but I’m not a manic depressive, honest! Requiem for a Dream is manically depressing though. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a whisk being plunged into your heart. It also holds a crown for having one of the most miserable endings of all time. Our four heroes begin the film full of hope and dreams, however by the end of it we find them all at the lowest of the low with no suggestion of them ever escaping. After one of the most intense twenty minutes you’re ever likely to see, we’re treated to a tracking out of each character in bed and getting into the foetal position. All the while Clint Mansell’s legendary score plays in the most haunting fashion. The saddest part is seeing Ellen Burstyn’s character turn into a mental wreck before finally dreaming of being reunited with her son on the infomercial and in the red dress. If this doesn’t move you, then there’s no hope.

6) Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

This film is often seen as a misfire in the Lynchian canon, but for me it’s one of his best. It’s possibly the darkest film he has ever done and also one of the scariest. Instead of documenting the last seven days of cult icon, Laura Palmer, in a realistic police procedural way, David goes full on Lynch on us and presents her final days as a dizzying and haunting nightmare. It all leads up to the horrific train car murder full of flashing lights, screaming and BOB. After that eye-popping trauma we’re left with Laura sitting in the red room with Dale Cooper standing over her. She begins to cry as an angel hovers over her. Suddenly her cries turn into laughter. It’s such a haunting final image, but it’s also full of hope as Laura finally got her angel. Whenever someone mentions Twin Peaks, it’s this stunning image I immediately think of.

5) The Holy Mountain

This is the film that actually inspired the list. I saw The Holy Mountain for the first time last week and was astounded by its ending. I thought to myself, ‘surely that’s one of the best endings of all time?’ and I honestly think it is! The entire film is full of the weirdest stuff you could ever imagine. It’s not just got the odd weird moment in it; the whole film is weird every second of the way, like Eraserhead. So the fact that it ends with such stark realism is jarring. The master (played by the director himself) sits our heroes down in a circle and reveals to them the grand secret of the holy mountain. “We began in a fairytale and we came to life, but is this life reality? No. It is a film! Zoom back camera.” The camera then zooms back to reveal the film crew. It ends with him saying “real life awaits us” as everyone walks away. It has to be the boldest breaking of the fourth wall ever! It’s so postmodern that it would give Bodger a heart attack.

4) Dancer in the Dark

I said that Requiem for a Dream holds the crown for one of the most depressing endings ever. Well, if Requiem holds the crown, Dancer in the Dark wears it. Lars Von Trier’s shattering musical stars Icelandic oddball, Bjork as a simple penniless immigrant going blind and lifting the gloom by pretending her life is a musical. She ends up on death row for shooting a bastard cop and of course, Lars, the king of nihilism makes us witness the final hanging in all its hope-shredding glory. It’s probably the most traumatic scene I’ve ever witnessed on film with Bjork turning into a total wreck before singing a final song. The song is violently cut short as they pull the lever and her neck snaps. It’s executed in such a shocking and powerful way. Some curtains are shut (like the end of a stage musical perhaps?) and a quote comes up which basically tells the audience that they knew what was going to happen, so why did they sit through it? The camera then goes up and out of the ceiling just like Bjork described earlier in the film. It’s a beautifully tragic and agonising way to end.

3) Black Swan

Here’s another offering from Darren Aronofsky. Black Swan is one hell of an intense experience. The whole schizophrenic fever dream of a film builds up to the final scene where Nina finally stops fighting her hallucinations and embraces them. It results in her giving (in the words of Rowetta) the greatest performance of her life. Her eyes go red and she even bursts out of her skin with giant swan wings. After a disagreement with rival Lily, in the interval (resulting in murder) she goes on stage to rapturous applause and takes her final bow. We see Nina with a giant bleeding hole in her stomach as she jumps down proclaiming that she “was perfect” before fading to white. God it’s exhilarating! The searing score helps a lot too. When the credits roll over the applause we can finally breathe a sigh of relief as we realise that Darren has just pulled off one of the very best films of all time.

2) There Will Be Blood

Paul Thomas Anderson’s epic masterpiece tells the tale of Daniel Plainview, an oil man with a lot of ambition and greed. It’s a rag to riches story which is made profoundly ironic by its mesmerising third act. Daniel is basically insane, friendless and drunk (sounds like a description of me!) with contempt for everything in life, but he is rich. He’s very rich! He’s so rich that he even has a bowling alley in his mansion. It’s this bowling alley which will haunt you forever. Whenever I see a bowling alley, I immediately think back to this final scene and get an urge to stomp all over it shouting, “DRAAAIIIIINAGE!” which is why I’m barred from several bowling alleys in my area. The ending to There Will Be Blood features the greatest performance by any actor ever. It’s impossible to take your eyes off of Daniel Day Lewis as he goes ape at Eli before pounding his head in with a bowling pin. His butler potters in as Daniel speaks the immortal lines “I’m finished.” Thus, commanding the end of the film. That final image of Daniel crouching and eating his steak over Eli’s bloodied body has haunted me ever since.

1) The Cabin in the Woods

Perhaps this is a controversial number one pick, but I think The Cabin in the Woods has to be my favourite ending to any film I’ve seen. If you’re not a passionate horror lover or hater then the joke of The Cabin in the Woods will likely go over your head. It’s a highly meta and unbelievably intelligent film which pokes fun at slasher movies and harshly criticises them in equal measure. Every slasher film seems dull in comparison to The Cabin in the Woods which is the ultimate slasher film. It begins in a world full of clichés we’ve seen ten gazillion times. A bunch of youngsters going out to an abandoned cabin blah blah blah. Which is why it is such a shock in the way the film ends. The first act is so grounded in reality compared to its absolutely loopy final act which sees the characters being part of some ludicrous conspiracy involving the end of the world. After witnessing an insane amount of glorious carnage, Sigourney Weaver makes a surprise cameo appearance as the mysterious ‘director’ of the mysterious underground research facility to reveal the big twist. Before we know it, we find out that the world is ending and our beloved Marty (the fool) must die otherwise the gods will rise. Sure enough a giant hand bursts through the ground and whacks us in the face. It has to be the most surprising ending ever to one of the most surprising films. Not only does it work on an entertaining level, but there’s so much deeper meaning to it about horror films in general if you’re willing to dig a little deeper.

So there we have it! Ten of my favourite endings. There are loads and loads of others which I would’ve loved to have included so please tell me your favourite movie endings. Also, please be kind to me in the comments 🙂

The Holy Mountain (1973)

Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky

Stars: Alejandro Jodorowsky, Horacio Salinas, Zamira Saunders

Don’t watch whilst intoxicated

The only Alejandro Jodorowsky film I had seen prior to The Holy Mountain was El Topo. I thought El Topo was one of the weirdest films I’d ever seen with a gunslinger traipsing around the desert with a naked child on his back and encountering a corrupt town full of disabled people. Could things get much weirder than that? Yes they bloody could. You know a film is going to a little bit off the wall when it has the line, “Your sacrifice has completed my sanctuary of 1,000 testicles.” El Topo seems as deadly realistic as a Michael Haneke film compared to Alejandro’s The Holy Mountain. I made a list of weird movies a while ago and placed Eraserhead as my number one weirdest. If I were to revise that list, I’d definitely place The Holy Mountain directly behind Eraserhead. It’s that weird.

Casual moviegoers beware. This is a film funded by John Lenon and Yoko Ono so it isn’t your average Owen Wilson cosy romcom. Within in the first half hour we’re bombarded with bizarre imagery. A man who looks like Jesus walks around a dreamlike town full of frogs in clothes getting blown to smithereens, Jesus statues made out of sponge cake, armless dwarves, sex in the street and eyeless paedophiles. All of this section is told without dialogue bar a few screams and Baldy Man styled gibberish.

I was so taken back at the sheer amount of strangeness. Every single shot has severely strange imagery in it. It’s like a Salvador Dali painting coming to life and the pacing is so fast, especially in the first act. There’s no point trying to read the symbolism because too much happens, too quickly. The best thing to do is just let the film wash over you like some sort of fountain of oddness. Even after reading some ideas on the film I still have no idea what any of it means. However, my guess is that Alejandro isn’t a fan of religion or weapons, but he is a fan of nudity and animals. In fact, I’m pretty sure that they cleared out London zoo to make this film.

The second act takes a slower pace, but is no less bizarre. The production design in this section is pretty astonishing. I was particularly astounded by the rainbow room which seems like something from another world. A kind of plot does kick in with our Jesus hero meeting a ‘master’ (played by madman Alejandro Jodorowsky himself) who plans to take him and a bunch of increasingly bizarre misfits on a quest to meet the gods. We’re introduced to nine new characters in quick succession. All of them have a detailed backstory involving everything from orgasm machines to testicle collections. This section does get a little repetitive and lengthy but it’s entertaining nonetheless.

The rest of the film follows the oddballs on the quest to meet the gods. Compared to the weirdness overload we’ve been having, this section does feel a little less weird so it’s less memorable. I do have to say though that it acuminates into one of the best endings to a film I’ve ever seen. It’s incredibly jarring and the most postmodern thing I’ve seen since The Cabin in the Woods.

So what else can I say about The Holy Mountain? As its trailer states, it’s a film which defies conventional plot and criticism. It’s like a piece of art or music. It’s something you have to feel and depending on what you felt, you either like it or you don’t! As a connoisseur of the weird, I really liked it. It definitely leaves an impression and leaves you with an army of images you won’t forget in a hurry. Unfortunately, it’s not quite as hypnotic and dreamlike as it could’ve been thanks (or no thanks) to Alejandro’s directing style. The film feels quite detached and objective. I think the film would’ve been stronger if it was seen more through the eyes of the Jesus character. The reason I love David Lynch films so much is that he takes us on an experience with the characters. Alejandro shoots like we’re just spectators and so part of the experience is lost.

The Holy Mountain is still an extraordinary film though. It’s rich and full of surrealist imagery. It’s almost like the ultimate surreal film with so much impenetrable symbolism crammed in to make your brain melt. Most average moviegoers won’t make it pass the first ten minutes, but then again why would an average moviegoer attain a copy of The Holy Mountain? For the rest of us weirdos, this is unmissable!

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Director: George Miller

Stars: Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron, Hugh Keays-Byrne, Nicholas Hoult

It’s nice to see that George Miller has mellowed in his old age

Slow, uneventful, boring, and subtle. These are some of the words you’d never hear from any sane person describing Mad Max 4. Before I dig deeper I should probably let you know that I’m a twenty year-old man who only recently watched the original Mad Max trilogy, so I don’t have any nostalgia attached to them. The first Mad Max film is genuinely considered mediocre by most people apart from proud Aussies, and my opinion was pretty much the same. It didn’t leave a particularly lasting impression. I was under the impression that it was some sort of hardcore revenge movie, but the revenge part only happened in the final underwhelming twenty minutes. The rest of the film was spent titting about in a underdeveloped post-apocalyptic Australia.

The Road Warrior, however, is generally considered as one of the greatest action movies of all time. I was expecting a full-on action fest (much like Fury Road) but unfortunately what I got was a ponderous seventy minutes involving Max titting about with a colony of people protecting fuel before ending with a spectacular car chase. I was quite disappointed and can name several older action films that are far better than The Road Warrior (Terminator 2 and Hard Boiled to name two). Beyond Thunderdome is generally considered as the worst of the lot but to my pleasant surprise I actually enjoyed this the most out of the trilogy! It might have something to do with me being a massive Tina Turner fan, but I thought there was more action and better characters than the other two films.

After being largely underwhelmed by the Mad Max trilogy, I had my expectations for Fury Road lowered. Pretty much every review I’ve read has been astonishingly glowing with many hailing it as one of the best action films of all time, but didn’t they say that about The Road Warrior? Fury Road is directed by the same George Miller, a man now in his seventies who hasn’t directed an action film since Beyond Thunderdome and whose recent credits include Happy Feet and Babe: Pig in the City, Mad Max 4 is bound to be pretty weak, right? Wrong.

Believe the hype. Mad Max: Fury Road is an incredible feat. I have no idea how George Miller managed to pull out something so utterly spectacular out of his bag. Fury Road is the best action film I’ve seen since The Raid and has some of the best stunt work since The Dark Knight Rises. In my opinion it leaves the original Mad Max trilogy lying face down in the dust. Fury Road is the great big throbbing war machine whilst the original trilogy is more like some old rusty bicycle. The first ten minutes of Fury Road is far better than anything from Mad Max 1-3 and the entire two hour film definitely contains far more action than the first three films put together.

It opens with an epic monologue from our new Max, Tom Hardy. Mel Gibson never did anything for me as Max. In fact, the character of Max never did much for me. I much prefer Tom Hardy as Max. His accent may be as muddled as Stu’s tan in Mrs. Doubtfire but I think he has much more of a presence than Mel Gibson ever did. His famous interceptor is destroyed within the first five minutes which is obviously symbolic. Just like James Bond getting shot in the opening of Skyfall and a TV exploding in the opening of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, the interceptor getting totalled represents a new era of Mad Max. George Miller has completely cut the ties from the original films and quite rightly so!

I mentioned before that the opening ten minutes of Fury Road is better than anything from the original trilogy and it really is! We get thrown into a huge world and feel fully immersed. The imagery is impressive and epic. It feels like something from Lord of the Rings with some powerful masked weirdo sitting on a giant cliff and spilling gallons of water to his loyal pale-painted followers. The villain in Fury Road is basically Aunty Entity on acid and curiously similar to Tom Hardy’s very own Bane. He’s a brilliantly memorable villain who has his very own breast milk farm and an army of seriously sexy wives.

It occurred to me about three quarters of a way through the film that I actually cared about the characters on the screen, which I’ve never felt before during a Mad Max film (apart from Tina of course). The action still comes first, but there’s still some character development to keep you interested in the, admittedly thin plot. Some have complained that Charlize Theron’s Furiosa character takes over from Max but that didn’t bother me at all. I love strong female characters and Furiosa is definitely that! I cared about the clan of oddballs and their goal. I cared enough, anyway, to make me care about who is actually in the action.

Talking of action. Fury Road’s action sequences are every bit as amazing as you’ve heard. It’s a total intense onslaught of revving action from start to finish. Within the first thirty minutes, we’re plunged into a fiery sandstorm with a furious army of vehicles in hot pursuit. I sat there completely mesmerised by what I was watching. There’s a jarring moment shortly afterwards where Max slowly awakes from a pile of sand and the slowness of the scene is so bloody jarring! At least ninety minutes of Fury Road is just pure full-throttle action. It’s amazingly executed with so little CGI and jaw-dropping stunt work. The final chase sequence is completely exhausting.

Fury Road is eye popping. I felt like Toe Cutter before he collides into a lorry in Mad Max 1 through most of it. Let’s just hope that the sequel will be like The Raid 2. It could easily get better by putting as much focus on character development and plot as well as the action. The Raid 2 did exactly that and produced one of the best films of the twenty first century. As it stands though, Fury Road is a gigantic, towering achievement. You can almost feel the testosterone sweating off the screen. The Fast and Furious franchise can well and truly piss off because this kind of action belongs to the mad.